Battle at the Village (Caveman Chronicles)

The Index -|-

Breathing heavily, Kpleeb ducked behind a thick, bushy evergreen on the low slope of the Yak-ridge foothills. Just as he disappeared into the brush, a gravelly, stuttering whine ripped through the air over his head. The sound was followed by a wave of hot wind that buffeted the shrubbery. He rested his rump on a somewhat mossy stone there and waited for a few seconds as the sound of the fast moving Xi lutu faded.

With a sigh, he picked at a small cut on his knee and scanned the night sky for signs of any other incoming lutu.

He shoved his arm through the branches and pulled them slightly aside. In the near distance, not more than a ten second run from his position, the village sat smoldering. The nearest hut wall had been smashed and its reed roof was burning. Smoke billowed from various fires around the small village, and Kpleeb could see a number of bodies lying in the dirt.

[Where is Zara?]

He eyed the sky cautiously before stepping out of cover. Clutching his lightning spear, he ran with all of his might. In a few seconds, he crouched at the base of a hut wall. When he peered around the corner, flashes of lightning crackled and shimmered beyond the trees that bordered the far edge of the village. He ducked as another Xi lutu careened over his head with the telltale whine. Kpleeb noticed that the back of the ship had three small, glowing tri-clusters of faint purple light.

As the lutu approached the lightning on the far side of the village, it ejected a fast-moving teardrop of muddy, purple light toward the ground. The ordinance struck with a boom and a flash of light, but lightning flashed in return and the ship wobbled and shook. The purple features on the ship flickered, and within another two seconds, the whole lutu plummeted toward the tree line.

Kpleeb nodded with satisfaction. “That has to be Zara,” he muttered proudly.

There was a series of muffled pops followed by a rush of flame that temporarily lit up the branches of those nearby trees.

Kpleeb jogged between the huts; some standing, some demolished. He had no idea how many lutu had been brought down, though he suspected that there had been two felled so far. [But it doesn’t matter if we don’t know how many there are to begin with.]

It was clear that losing three lutu had caused the Xi to bring a much larger force. Kpleeb wondered if Kiipo’s stories were really true.

[Do they really have billions of Xi? How many planets like Phaedro have they encountered resistance from? How far did these lutu come to kill us?]

It struck him that perhaps his family was an oddity in the universe. He looked up into the night sky, trying to spot more lights or any sign of additional attackers.

[Maybe we are the only resistance.]

Kpleeb shoved the thoughts aside and refocused. [It doesn’t matter. We have to stay alive.]

He crept toward the tree line where he had heard the commotion and seen the fire. It only took him a few minutes of sneaking carefully before he could finally see. Two lutu were down. One lay burning on its belly with the its door open, and next to the ship he could see a small pile of silica dust. A huddle of Ganix warriors were examining the ship. The other lutu was stranded in the upper branches of a tree, and the branches swayed and cracked under its weight.

Kpleeb stood and approached the scene. When he was noticed by the warriors, one of them spoke.

“Builder,” he addressed Kpleeb and pointed upward, “Xi.”

Kpleeb nodded and ignored the increasingly common reference to the Xinti prophecy. “Maybe the Jariit is alive still. We should bring it down and be sure.” He looked around. “Where is Zara?”

A warrior named Xor answered with a pointed knuckle. “Zara that way with Xir and warriors.”

Kpleeb looked in the direction Xor had pointed and saw only the darkness night. That direction was away from the cave and closer to the wide spot in the river that the Ganix cave-women commonly used for washing. He grunted and looked back up at the tree-bound lutu.

“Take this lutu down, and make sure its Jariit is dead,” Kpleeb said. “I’ll go find Zara.”

Without waiting for a response, he jogged toward the river. He knew the path well and had walked it many times, even in the dark. It only took him a couple of minutes to reach the riverbank, and there in the moonlight, he could see a small group of Ganix warriors huddled near a large boulder. They saw him immediately and used their fingers to wave him over.

“Lutu,” said Xir pointing upward.

At first, Kpleeb could not see what the warriors were looking at, but then something moved in the near-distant sky. It was a dark shape that moved slowly. “Is it hiding?”

“Waiting,” Xir said. “More lutu come.” He pointed away to the left.

Kpleeb eyed the shapes that were so difficult to make out in the dark sky. “Maybe we should attack it first, before it has time to prepare and be ready.”

Xir looked up and him and tilted his head. “Good idea.” He stood at once and raised his lightning spear. He put his right hand near the end of the spear and used his left hand to brace the upper, leather-wrapped shaft. Without a warning, the lightning spear bucked in his grip and a bolt of energy burst out of the spear’s tip with a loud, crackling whine. The lightning’s energy left a thin, glowing line in the sky toward the lutu.

Kpleeb blinked and saw the shape of that line etched on his vision. “Well, that will get their attention. All warriors prepare to attack!”

Within a second, the lutu’s lights began to brighten as it rapidly approached. Kpleeb grasped his lightning spear tightly, nervous energy tingling in his veins. “Attack!” he bellowed as the lutu loomed ahead of them. There was a frazzle of bolts and a burst of hairsplitting crackles. The lutu veered and then fired as well, only a second after the warrior’s bolts were loosed. Its weapon released a purple, wavering orb that pummeled the ground on the other side of the large rock. In his peripheral vision, Kpleeb saw a warrior fall noiselessly.

Kplee’s head swiveled to watch the ship pass overhead and beyond the group. Then he saw the other lutu approaching.

“Behind us! Attack!”

Believing that he was too late, Kpleeb swung his spear around and released a careless bolt at the lutu that was almost upon them. The bolt whined and fizzled where it hit the lutu’s skin. Behind his lightning bolt, a half dozen scattered shots followed. To Kpleeb’s eye, it seemed that all of them were dissipated.

“We have to all attack at the same time. Line up and prepare!” Ahead of the group, the first lutu was coming back around.

The warriors knew how to respond. They lined up and aimed their spears as a unit.

“Attack!” yelled Kpleeb again.

The first lutu returned, this time releasing its weapon earlier and further away from the warriors. The purple orb zipped toward the group, and Kpleeb hollered again. “Now!”

The lightning spears thundered in unison just before the orb struck the large boulder. Kpleeb was thrown backward and landed with a spine-jarring thud. His ears rang and his vision swam. Dirt, rocks, and a Ganix warrior rained down upon him. He covered his face with his forearms and gulped breath into his lungs, but in the back of his mind, he knew that now was not the time to stay down.

With a croaking gasp he raised his head and shouted. “Get up! Prepare to attack!”

It took another second for him to clamber to his feet on shaky legs. With a sweep of his head, he searched for his spear. In the near distance, he saw a furrow in the dirt, and a hundred paces away, a lutu lay smoldering. Kpleeb picked up a spear that lay near him, and then reached down to help the warrior that had partially landed on him.

The warrior did not move. His face and chest were still, and blood dripped continuously down from a deep wound in his forehead. The whole scene registered in a mere second as Kpleeb’s adrenaline reminded him that there was at least one more lutu.

Through his ringing ears, Kpleeb heard a shout.

“Attack!”

He swung around and saw Xir and a handful of warriors simultaneously blast the next approaching lutu. The skin sizzled and smoked where the lightning struck, and the lutu wobbled, firing its own weapon just afterward. The purple orb flew high and took out a rather large tree nearby with a splintering crunch.

Kpleeb and the warriors fired at the lutu as it passed, and he noticed that each bolt of lightning struck home. The skin of lutu no longer dissipated the energy as it had before. The lutu swerved hard to the left, possibly to dodge the lightning attacks. Instead of accelerating into the sky, the craft slid and plummeted from tree-height and crashed into the ground.

“We have to make sure the Xi inside are dead!” Kpleeb bellowed through the smoke and haze. He saw warriors leap toward the second lutu, and he followed the deep gash toward the first.

Within seconds he was there with three other warriors. The grey lutu lay smoking on its belly. The small tri-clusters of purple light flickered erratically, and the entrance did not open. He knew from experience that the lutu would only open for Zara or for the Xi.

Kpleeb pondered the problem [It could be inside sending a message for more support! We have to be able to open these without Zara and without the Xi.] After a moment, an idea came to him.

Kpleeb took off his yellowstone ring and held it in his hand. He then covered his mouth with that hand so that the warriors could not see him speaking. Then he whispered.

“Make a flat point the size of my finger.” He felt the ring morph, and he took the new shape between his forefinger and thumb. The opening to the lutu was almost invisible, but he had seen Kiipo’s lutu open and close. Kpleeb placed the razer edge of the yellow-stone on the line that was barely visible to him. Leaning close, he again covered his mouth with his hands.

“Press into the gaps and expand to the thickness of my arm.”

Kpleeb remembered how Thoka had convinced him that they needed keep the yellow-stone’s control mechanism a secret and use it sparingly. As he waited for the stone to morph, he watched the Ganix and looked for any sign of interested on their emotionless faces. Unless assigned a task, they had never asked for more information or attempted to pick up or use the yellow-stone objects.

In a few seconds, he felt the yellow-stone move slightly, and when he removed his hands, the wedge stayed attached to the lutu. Over the course of the next few minutes, the yellow-stone wormed its way into the miniscule gap between the lutu and its door and expanded. The gap grew slowly.

After a few minutes, Kpleeb knelt and looked through the gap in its side. The interior of the lutu was lit with a dim glow. The Jariit inside silently stared at him through the gap. Kpleeb could only imagine what it was thinking, but he knew that the danger from this Xi was real. As he watched, the lighting inside of the lutu began to pulse slowly, and he remembered what Kiipo had tried to do to Zara.

“Get away from the lutu!” he cried out as he rose to his feet. The other warriors scattered, and Kpleeb’s legs had only carried him a dozen paces or more before he was thrust violently forward by a blinding light.

The blasted Xi are back! (Caveman Chronicles)

The Index -|-

The cave floor tremored slightly, and Zara’s eyes blinked open. It has been mere minutes, perhaps seconds, since she had fallen asleep. The room was quiet, and all she could hear was the faint sound of her Da’s breathing on his own pallet against the far wall.

Her ears strained to hear whatever had jostled her from her sleep. After a few seconds, she came to the conclusion that there was nothing amiss.

“Did you feel that?” Kpleeb whispered.

Zara propped herself up on her shoulder. The room had no openings into the outside air, and it was absolutely pitch black. “I thought I heard something, but I’m not sure,” Zara whispered back. She felt for her bracelet and slid it onto her wrist. The forces were ignited, and a ball of light sprang to life above Zara’s hand.

The streaked cave ceiling and pale, grey walls glowed in the pale, white light. Across the room, Zara saw her Da sitting up and rubbing his eyes. His curly hair spurted out from his head like the shaggy mane of a large tundra cat. Zara stood and padded to the door and looked into the main cave. Even from the doorway, she could see the faint lines that connected the red device, the other objects that her or her Mama had created, and the web that kept Kiipo locked to the floor.

Kpleeb moved to stand beside her.

“Light,” said Zara. The main cave slowly lit up.

Kiipo lay with his eyes open, his neck slits opening and closing rhythmically.

There was at that moment a distant thunder crackle followed by a slight shudder in the floor.

Kiipo’s eyes blinked and shifted toward Kpleeb and Zara.

Kpleeb ran toward the cave entrance and Zara followed as quickly as her little legs could carry her.

When she reached the cave door, there were lights in the sky over the nearby village and spots of fire on the ground. When more lights flickered, she could see smoke. Her Da stood there with his large palms on his bushy head of hair. He turned to Zara when she approached.

“They’re back. The blasted Xi are back!” He raised his arms in anger and pointed toward the Ganix village. “We have to do something before they kill everyone and rescue Kiipo!”

Zara nodded. “We will Da. The warriors all have their lightning spears. We can go there and help them, but I have to make sure Kiipo is not able to escape.”

“What if they come here and take him while we are gone?” Kpleeb grimaced. “We need to know so much more about the Xi if we’re ever going to beat them, and he is our main source of information.”

“I know, Da!” said Zara loudly, “but if we don’t go help, the village may not survive!”

Okay. you’re right,” he said with audible frustration. “Let’s make sure this Xi turd is as secure as he can be.” He trotted back into the cave and grabbed his lightning spear that leaned against the wall. From the workbench, he picked up his own latest invention and strapped it around his waist. It was a belt of sorts with a ring that was about the diameter of a bracelet. Slung in the ring was a rod made of the yellow stone. The rod was as thick as his forearm in the center and tapered to a somewhat smaller rod at one end. The other end ended in a handle that was tailored to Kpleeb’s hand. The whole thing was about as long as his arm and it swiveled on the ring as he moved.

Zara watched Kpleeb for a few seconds as he strapped it on. The smaller tapered end bumped his knee, and to her it seemed very unwieldy. “What do you call it, Da?”

Kpleeb grunted. “I’ve found no name for her yet. Is Kiipo secure?”

[No name for her?] She did not want to pry into her Da’s business, but she had not ever met a device with a personal name. Her lightning spear was merely named for its utility and obvious function.

Zara scanned Kiipo’s bonds and found that they were all as tight as when she left them. Then she looked at Kpleeb. “He is secure. You won’t name it ‘Thoka’ will you?”

“What? No way!” Kpleeb looked guilty.

[…or maybe he’s just uncomfortable talking about the naming idea.]

“I was thinking of something more like “Xi killer.” Kpleeb looked at Kiipo with a malicious grin and saw that the creature’s eyes were fixed on him. “Can we talk about this later? They are out there killing our people right now.”

“I’m ready to go, Da,” said Zara. She looked at Kiipo. “If you betray us, I will kill you.”

Kiipo’s eyes blinked and its neck slits fluttered a little more quickly.

“And even if you don’t, I may kill you for what they have done,” said Kpleeb pointing toward the wall. Without waiting for a reaction, he turn and jogged toward the cave entrance.

Zara followed, and as soon as they reached the night air, Kpleeb kneeled on the path. “Up on my back, Z. We need to be quick!”

Zara clambered up onto Kpleeb’s back and latched her hands around his neck.

“Don’t squeeze too hard,” Kpleeb said with a slight twist of his head. He then bounded off toward the village in a manner that was much like the Ganix warriors.

Book Announcement – Zara the Protector

I am happy to announce the release of this fun children’s book: Zara the Protector. This is the story of a brilliant young cave-girl (Zara) who uses her amazing mind and technical ingenuity to protect her prehistoric cave-tribe from evil, world-conquering space aliens.

How we got here:

I have been working on my Caveman Chronicles storyline for a few years. For me, this story has been merely an outlet for often goofy ideas. The blog-story format is an easy way to sit down without a huge amount of preparation or thought and pound a few related ideas onto a keyboard. It scratches an itch and keeps the mind on writing.

As are most humans, I am a member of a family, and we talk about the stuff we’re doing, what we’re thinking about, what we’re writing. It’s amazing to be a part of such a group of interesting and imaginative people. I am fortunate to have writers and artists in my family, and those conversations led to this book.

Some conversation snippets (paraphrased):

“Why don’t we see science-fiction children’s books? Does anyone really want it?”

“Well, there are nerds everywhere who grew up and had kids.”

“Nerds…. like you Uncle, Graham?”

“Yep. Like me. Anyone can write a kids book about skipping over a mud-puddle! Science fiction is a lot more imaginative! Plus, look at the cool Xi space ships! I want one of those to fly to church. [pew, pew, zoom, swish!]

Yeah, but Thoka just died in your story, we can’t just have a kids book where the mother dies in the first three pages. Are you trying to make kids cry?”

“Hmm, good point. Maybe she just tripped and bumped her elbow.” [sigh]

“What do cave-people eat anyways?”

“Ohh, I know. Snake tacos!”

“Cuz, why not?”

“Exactly…”

-discussion over an Unreal Tournament (1999) battle

After extended periods of goofing off, the ideas flying like sideways hail in a blizzardy-storm, the story congealed like cooling bacon grease, and Zara the Protector was born.

Zara the Protector is just a tiny snippet of the overall Caveman Chronicles story, written more simply and in a little more kid-friendly manner. Added on top are a host of amazing illustrations that bring the story to life. I’ve found the process of creating and working with family on this to be a great learning experience as well as just being a ton of fun.

Contributors:

Arwen Smith, who like Zara, is a bit of a genius for being so young. Her illustrations are well thought-out and beautiful! You can find her first book, “A Field Guide to Gnomes” on Amazon.

The layout was done by Ian Smith, the talented artist and author. Check out his book “Growing Up Itchy” on Amazon.


Why would alien space ships attack a peaceful tribe of cave-people at the foot of the Yak-ridge mountains?
How could those cave-people actually live through the powerful attack?

But the aliens did attack, and the cave-people did survive. Incredible!

You might ask: “How?”

Zara. The. Protector.

Say it with me!
โ€œZara the hero!
Zara the genius!
Zara the friend of milk-yaks and pikas!

Unga-runga! Unga-runga!โ€

  • Recommended for 5-8 year old children
  • 8.25″ x 8.25″
  • Premium glossy cover
  • Fun and imaginative story about a heroic young cave-girl
  • Full color, professional illustrations
  • A quick and easy gift for kids and fun adults

You can find Zara the Protector on Amazon.

I sincerely hope it’s a ton of fun for kids and adults.

Stars! Supernova Genesis, A lesson in diplomacy

I found this old goof-off in a backup from over twenty years ago. It’s absurd, but it is a writing.

by El’mers Glu’e:

diยทploยทmaยทcy
noun.

1.) The art or practice of conducting international relations, as in negotiating alliances, treaties, and agreements.
2.) Tact and skill in dealing with people.

Diplomacy, the all important poor man’s ticket to success in an angry universe. We’ve all been in a bad place, low on resources, trapped in the corner of the galaxy with few planets and a strong enemy mercilessly closing in on your borders. The rest of the galaxy doesn’t care, they have their own problems to worry about. They can’t be bothered by another poor mouth to feed, and there is nothing you can offer them in payment for protection. What do you do?

Hi, I’m El’mers Glu’e, and I can help.
I’m the author of such ground breaking books as “Dismemberment, How to Cope”, and “A World of Slime”, (a guide to Ambidextrian cuisine), and in my years at the Binarian Galactic Headquarters I’ve observed numerous diplomatic standoffs. In a galaxy where you can’t trust the next guy, diplomacy is a tricky thing. You need to understand the in’s and out’s of the Howlepeenyo spice trade, and cultural issues like how the Muisirc arms dealers view baby-snatching.

The key to being a successful diplomat is understanding psychology of living beings, and how they react to stimuli. A wise man once said, “Behind every action is an equal and opposite reaction, and behind that reaction, is a fuzzy young antelope.” If I pinch the Head of State here on Binar, I can be sure that his reaction will be to order my prompt danglingโ€ฆ This is reaction.

In my years of consulting for the “Binarian E’tolyran Galactic Governmental Association of Rowing Salesmen” (BEGGARS), I’ve de-fused some enormously intense situations. Carefully view my depiction on your Nambic-plate and take notesโ€ฆ

[Namb clip=0f45 mode=transcript]
Farg Embassador
“โ€ฆ and we demand that the squm-fleas leave our qolony world! We qannot stand for unprovoqed invasion of Farg space. The qonsequences will be most dreadful.” [quiet cackling]

El’mers Glu’e
“My dear Ambassador Qumquat, I am personally sure that the Altoid Spacial Policia have no intention of keeping a force on the surface of your planet. The Altoids have had a long history of spacial symetrics and as we at Binar are certainly dedicated to lasting trade efforts between us all!”

Farg Ambassador
“We will not stand for the squm-fleas oquupation! Qlat is our world, qolonized in early moons by my grandest papa, “Big Jimmy” himself! It would be a travesty to allow our miners to be put out by squm-flea women and children! By my tiq Glu’e, if the squm-fleas do not vacate, I will release the horse! The days of generosity are over!โ€ฆ” [Wheeeze]

El’mers Glu’e
Qumquat, Qumquat, let us engage the Altoid Ambassador in peaceful contemplation of our mutual problem. Surely he will assure you as I have that the Farg people are eager to come to an agreementโ€ฆ”

Farg Ambassador
[grunt] “I am qonstantly patient with you efforts, let us qonverse with the Altoidsโ€ฆ and please don’t qall me ‘Shirley’.”

[beep] [clank] [“pfffftzzzzโ€ฆ. shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh-xcssssssss. Binar’Com,
Je’ff McBri’de speaking. May I help you?”]

El’mers Glu’e
“Altoid Counsel 48, Ambassador Haime please.”

[backgroundโ€ฆ “Eth’el, keep them kids quiet!!” shhhhhtttzzzโ€ฆ]
[pfffffzttttโ€ฆ.. “ah, uhmโ€ฆ yes sir, authorization?”]

El’mers Glu’e
“The sun shines in moonlightโ€ฆ”

[“ahโ€ฆ yes sir. Connectingโ€ฆ”] [ting] [beep]
[whistleโ€ฆ.. shhhhhhhhhhhhhhpffffzttttโ€ฆ..]

Ambassador Haime
“Greetings Consul Glu’e, of what assistance may I be?”

El’mers Glu’e
“Ambassador Haime, I’m sure that you are aware of the situation on Qlat, would you come over to discuss this with Farg Ambassador Qumquat and I?”

Ambassador Haime
“Tanj!”

[fffzzzt.. “Connection closed by peer.”] [whirrrrrrh]

—A short time later—

El’mers Glu’e
“Ahh Ambassador Haime, please let the tassels brush your seat in my hu’mble office!”

Ambassador Haime
“Good Spaargo to you Consul.” [quick glare toward Farg Ambassador]

Farg Ambassador
“Your qrappy womens are a qonstant burden on my people at Qlat!! I fully expeqt to see at least 1024 by 768 resolution to this matter!”

El’mers Glu’e
“Ambassadors, Ambassadors! We must remain at rest. I assure you both that this matter will be worked out to the advantage of all who are involved. Please be patient.

I must gather the necessary documents and will return in a momentus.”

[step, stepโ€ฆ click]

[at reception]
“El’mira we may now obtain our supplies.”

El’mira
“At your request Consul Glu’eโ€ฆ”

El’mers Glu’e
“Flanagan!”

[El’mira presses a button. The wall becomes a visi-port into the Consul chambers. and Ambassador Qumquat instantly transform into neatly wrapped packages of “Baby-Soft” bathroom tissue.]

El’mers Glu’e
“Thank you El’mira, I’m positive the Emperor Twi’g will be greatly satisfied with the quality of this latest batch. Please send out the appropriate news items concerning the loss.”

Galactic Times [“Year 3435.”]
“Following a surprise meeting on Tur’nip with a Binarian Consul, Altoid Ambassador Haime, and Farg Ambassador Qumquat were disintegrated after an intense dispute over the planet Qlat. Binarian Consul Glu’e was witness to the opposing ambassadors’ quick demise as they simultaneously released their deadly twitchies. The Binarians are in deep mourning over the loss and wishes to consecrate the consul room forever in their name by erecting a new public restroom at the site. Consul Glu’e statesโ€ฆ ‘I wish to extend my dee’pest sympathies toward Alta and Farg and to express my c’oncerns that the situation at hand was not dealt with. I extend offers again to Farg, and Alta both that they would send more ambassadors to Tur’nip to complete the talks.'”
[“End Galactic Times Transmission”]

El’mers Glu’e
[Internal memo to Consul staff] “Emperor Tw’ig desires to increase our supply of ‘Baby-Soft’ bathroom tissue so that we may dominate the market. Please arrange a new Consul meeting room.”

[/end Namb clip=0f45]

So you see, that diplomacy is of utter imp’ortance! This Nambi-clip was archived 5 decades ago in the diplomatic hall of banners. In the 5 decades of the Alta-Farg dispu’te over Qlat, Binar and his Imperial Aargonoob Tw’ig were supplied with two weeks of the top quality “Baby-Soft” bathroom tissue that we a’ll love so much. Binar created the underground muffin market as well as the still profitable swimming gerb’il trade route that gives us so much p’eace and prosperity!

Diplomacy can be your friend as it has been mine. I am retired the’se past 31 years, but I still dream of the days when we could bake Borgellian hamsters over the peace pit. You too can gain the fame of being a successful diplomat for your species! If you are engaged in “talks” over borders or a dispute over planets, it pays to be a third-par’ty diplomat. If you relish the finer things in life, do not brush away your opportunity! Order my series of Nambi-clips now and receive a classic Ironium diplomacy pendant as a free gift! You will not regret this purchase.

[“Complete series of Nambi-clips are ONLY 91.778229 Binarian Credits!”]
[“To order contact the Porta-Glu’e Corporation at 45.333.53355.7:34XCV9”]

โ€ฆ and remember Glu’etonian rule number 4, “Emu’s are ALWAYS better when smokedโ€ฆ”

El’mers Glu’e